Purushottama Vrata Blog, Day 13: Vadatu Samskr̥tam.

 Well, as you have probably guessed, my vrata collapsed. I don't feel too bad about it because I have too many things going that I just cannot give up for bhajan at this time.

I know that sounds like an excuse. I still want to increase my japa, but I am really in a work like crazy state.

It happened from the tea. On the saptami I took tea late in the afternoon and so couldn't sleep. I was already starting to feel knee-joint pain and lower back pain from the long hours of sitting. I tried to counter it by doing yoga and went through the old Shivananda routine with a lot of variants. I felt amazing that I could still do a lot of these asanas, with a fair amount of flexibility, though I was never one of these really athletic yoga practitioners. As with most things in my life, it has always been intermittent.

And so, of course, the next morning my body was exhausted and sore from top to bottom, especially all those unpracticed muscles that had been getting strained and now pummeled. I spent half the day lying in shavasana on my bed. I thought I must resemble Bhakti Vikasa Swami, who is giving Youtube videos from very much the same position. Covered in garlands he looks like he's about to be carried off to the Ganga and is giving his last words from a position of grave insight. 

I suddenly found it impossible to sit for hardly any time at all. I suddenly started eating twice as much. I suddenly started working on the computer day and night. Without the internet distraction, I was putting hours into the Sanskrit manual and Br̥had Bhāgavatāmr̥ta. Officially, Jiva Tirtha Session 5 begins on October 15th. I still don't know how many students I will have, but currently I have two, who are in different places, but they are helping me tremendously in terms of improving the manual. It is bulking up. 

I am actually having a lot of fun. Each section requires rewriting which requires research usually. Also examples and then practice sentences for translation. They need to be progressive in each exercise, going from easier to more difficult. Also they have to be progressive in the sense that you don't want stuff from future chapters cluttering up the stuff that you want the student to learn now. There will be plenty of contexts for them to encounter unknown material.

My students are for all intents and purposes Babaji's students, so they also go to his classes. So they are also trying to follow along in the texts that Babaji happens to be reading, whether it is Bhāgavata commentaries or some other text, like Rāga-vartma-candrikā.

The fact is that my course is designed for serious students. It is a six month commitment every day for one hour of class and you really need to put in some time outside of class. Those who are following Jiva Tirtha but are not putting in the effort to study Sanskrit right on the ground level are really not availing themselves of what is on offer. 

Yesterday I started the section on vidhi-liṅ with Annapurna and I could see that it was rather poorly organized and written and that the examples were not particularly good. So I spent a day working on that. But at the same time I have been editing Br̥had Bhāgavatāmr̥ta, because I am supposed to be giving a reading course in that. Last year there were five or six coming to the class here and I don't know how many following the recordings. But this year, Zoom is taking over and we will be having students on line and very few actually present here. We still haven't arranged a schedule for either course. 

Doing things this way is part of the way the world has been transformed by Covid-19 and by technology. 

I have been wanting to make an ad, even at this late date, to encourage people to become students in this program. Babaji has been recording stuff for years now, which is a huge body of recorded material. But those students who are here right now in person are really in a state of yoga. It is a particular state or ambience that reflects Babaji's own mood, but he has created a "mind-field" as Swami Veda used to call it, in which his listeners participate.

It is a small group of 10 or so people give or take a few. But Babaji puts his disciples into samadhi with his learned Harikathā. He is a teacher in the traditional manner. He takes a book and reads it through with his students and explains it thoroughly. 

We have a guest here, a man who was a devotee in Iskcon most of his life and now at the age of 72, after a rather less than illustrious devotional career finds himself here at Jiva in a state of mental confusion and physical disintegration, with no finances, no pension, no shelter. He has enough money to live in India, but at this age, in his physical and mental shape, he has no taste for it. He confessed to me the source of his mental and spiritual downfall and I told him, 

"The cure for all your ills is the association of devotees. Look at this assembly of devotees, all serious students of the shastra, following this course that is to last 12 years in the direct company of the guru. If you bathe in the pure atmosphere of spiritual knowledge, na hi jñānena sadr̥śaṁ pavitram iha vidyate... all your sins will be burned bhasmasāt kurute. You are 72 years old, you have no time left for moping about your past. You can still change your bad habits, but you need to feel what that pure atmosphere of profound discourses on Hari-kathā is like and let it work on your soul." 

He came to the class then, but today he was absent. His will is extremely weak, even weaker than mine. Still I have become quite regular at going to morning kirtan and evening class, even though the rest of my bhajan has gone the way of my Sanskrit manual and the Br̥had Bhāgavatāmr̥ta. Babaji is very hands off with his disciples, though they are all engaged in some kind of service to the Jiva mission, publishing and study. In actual fact, I am somewhat embarrassed that I don't seem to have the niṣṭhā that some of the others have here. My old neighbor in the ashram building, Pran Govinda Dasji, is as regular as the atomic clock. And of course Babaji himself. And I mentioned Gadadhar Pran before.

I hope I can get into more meditation and japa practice soon. I would like to balance it more, but I am doing all this work on the abovementioned projects, but there is a mountain of work behind me waiting for some finishing touches to put them in a publishable state. I have been talking about these for years. Gopala Champu thesis, Gopala Tapani, Bhaktivinoda Thakur's Jivani, Dāna-keli-kaumudī study. And other stuff as well.

And at the same time I am looking at the mountain of texts on the Grantha Mandir that need editing. Some have even gotten totally messed up in the formatting, but mostly the problem is that we have people using OCR or whatever it is called on printed books, so there has been a great addition of textual material in the last few months, all of which is in need of editing. We are training up Sachinandan Dasji, a nice Bengali sadhu who actually studied here in the less well-known Indian section, and he has been typing text for Babaji for years. He has fairly good Sanskrit knowledge, so he is currently editing according to my ideal standards, but I have to check his work, which is also time consuming. My other Sanskrit student, Braj Mohan, is one of the text-entry people. He has been doing this for a year and is quite good, but he doesn't know Sanskrit. He did the Br̥had Bhāgavatāmr̥ta and so I went to him and said you have to start coming for Sanskrit today. If you are going to do this work, you need to understand better what you are doing. Because it just makes more work for me. I LIKE doing it, mind you. This is the best way to read a book. But I would like to have less of it to do so that I can get into the meaning of the text instead of spending all my time in cosmetics.

Sorry to disappoint all of those who were hoping for me to have some kind of epiphany here in this holy month in the holy Dham. But I will tell you, I AM feeling it. The biggest thing was the no internet rule. If there is nothing else to do, and you are in my situation, I am like the forlorn devotee gentleman I introduced above. I said to him, "How many years do you think you have left? Five? Ten? We always preached about Parikshit who knew he only had seven days. So why do you think you can still waste time? And here you are, Krishna has washed you up in Vrindavan, in the Jiva Institute, where Satya Narayana Das Babaji Maharaj is undoubtedly the best scholar of the traditional Vaishnava literature who at the same time is a practitioner of exceptional standards. A true acharya, one who has learned the shastra, who himself practices its precepts, and who instills them in his students.

ācinoti yaḥ śāstrārtham ācāre sthāpayaty api |  svayam ācarate yasmād ācāryas tena kīrtita ||

So I will conclude with today's verses illustrating the use of the vidhi-liṅ. There are so many it is hard to choose, but I thought these were not too bad. A lot came from vidhis on taking a guru. 

तद्विज्ञानार्थं स गुरुमेवाभिगच्छेत् समित्पाणिः श्रोत्रियं ब्रह्मनिष्ठम्।

In order to realize that [Brahman] the seeker (स) should approach (अभिगच्छेत्) a guru who is learned in the scripture and fixed in Brahman, with fuel for the sacrificial fire in his hands [as an offering]. (Muṇḍaka Upaniṣad 1.2.12)

कृष्णदेवस्य कृपया भक्तेर्माहात्म्यमाकर्ण्य सद्गुरुं भजेत् ॥

By the mercy of Lord Krishna, having heard the glories of devotion, one should resort to a genuine spiritual master. (Hari-bhakti-vilāsa 1.28)

(1) Injunctions: The vidhi-liṅ is primarily used for injunctions (vidhi) and can be translated by “should, must, ought, etc.”

 मायां तु प्रकृतिं विद्यान्मायिनं तु महेश्वरम्।

 One should know (विद्यात्, विधिलिङ्) that the illusion is Nature and that the wielder of the illusion is the Great God (महेश्वरम्). (Śve.U. 4.10)

स्थितधीः किं प्रभाषेत किमासीत व्रजेत किम्॥

How would a person of stable wisdom speak (प्रभाषेत)? How would he sit (आसीत)? How would he walk (व्रजेत)? (Gītā 2.55) [See "The Characteristics of One of Steady Wisdom" (स्थितप्रज्ञलक्षणम्), Part III, page 86]

आचार्यं मां विजानीयान्नावमन्येत कर्हिचित्।

न मर्त्यबुद्ध्यासूयेत सर्वदेवमयो गुरुः॥

One should know (विजानीया) the preceptor to be Me and one should never treat him with contempt (न अवमन्येत). One should not be envious of him (न असूयेत), thinking him to be an ordinary person (मर्त्यबुद्ध्या), [for] the guru contains all the gods. (SB 11.17.27)

(2) Hypothesis: The vidhi-liṅ can also be used to express a hypothetical situation (सम्भावना) and can be translated by "would, could, should"):

निहत्य धार्तराष्ट्रान् नः का प्रीतिः स्याज्जनार्दन ।

पापमेवाश्रयेदस्मान् हत्वैतान् आततायिनः॥ 

O Janardana, what pleasure would there be after killing the sons of Dhritarashtra? Sin would take shelter of us if we killed these aggressors. (Gītā 1.36)

स्वजनं हि कथं हत्वा सुखिनः स्याम माधव ?

 O Madhava, how could we be happy after killing our relatives? (Gītā 1.37)

यच्छ्रेयः स्यान्निश्चितं ब्रूहि तन्मे

Tell me that which would be a certain benefit. (Gītā 2.7)

विधिलिङ् is often used in hypothetical situations with "if" (यदि, चेत्) either expressed or implied. In these cases, you usually use तर्हि as the correlative of यदि.

यदि धर्मो रतिं नोत्पादयेत्, तर्हि स श्रम एव हि केवलम् ।

 If the performance of religious duties should not produce (नोत्पादयेत्) love [for Hari kathā], then it is only hard effort for nothing. (SB 1.2.8)

यदि मामप्रतीकारमशस्त्रं शस्त्रपाणयः।

धार्तराष्ट्रा रणे हन्युस्तन्मे क्षेमतरं भवेत्॥ 

If the armed sons of Dhritarashtra should kill me, unresisting and weaponless, on the battlefield that would be better for me. (Gītā 1.46)

उत्सीदेयुरिमे लोका न कुर्यां कर्म चेदहम् ।

संकरस्य च कर्ता स्यामुपहन्यामिमाः प्रजाः ॥

These worlds would be ruined (उत्√सद् उत्सीदति) should I not do work. I would be the cause of miscegenation of the castes (संकर). I would spoil all these people (). (Gītā 3.24)

More Gītā verses than usual. Actually, though, Gītā is the most accessible text, much more so than the Bhāgavatam. But I have been trying to use examples from a variety of texts. It has been interesting looking at different styles and trying to find verses that do not exceed the student's capacity. These sentences are for teaching and explaining in class, in the full expectation that other things will have to be explained besides the use of the vidhi-liṅ, a lot of which they should have learned already.

OK folks. Radhe Radhe.

Purushottam Vrata Blog, Day 6

I got a nice letter from a disciple of Gadadhar Pran living in Mayapur who wanted to get in touch after hearing about me from GP. In the course of the letter he told me that he was getting up at 2 o'clock every morning and chanting three lakhs each day. It just goes to show how trivial my own efforts are. I hope that he is not adversely affected by revealing his practices. Of course, I encouraged him. How could I not be pleased that my Godbrother is inspiring a young devotee to find enthusiasm in chanting the Holy Name with attachment and enthusiasm?

But it makes me feel that my struggles to stabilize my regular daily schedule and carry out even a semblance of bhajan is somewhat futile. Anyway, it is going on.

I spent most of the day working on the GGM Br̥had-bhāgavatāmr̥ta document, which was typed up by someone else and needs editing. Actually, now that we have more people contributing texts, the editing work has increased exponentially and there are very few people qualified who are willing to do the work. So now we have thousands of pages of Bhagavatam and other texts that need to be checked and formatted to meet the GGM standards. I often complain about not having help, but I am a hard person to help. I am totally distracted. And I even get irritated when I have to do something other than what I am just now doing.

Last year at Jiva, the advanced Sanskrit class was reading Br̥had-bhāgavatāmr̥ta along with Sanatan's commentary. I would like to do it again, but it will be difficult in the ensuing year when everything will be done on Zoom. To find a time that is suitable to people in different time zones around the world is an almost impossible challenge. But it was to that end that I was cleaning up the text of the first volume.

But slowly, slowly, I am detaching myself from these other texts and orienting myself to the Prīti Sandarbha. But it is tough. Time is limited. It is easier to edit Sanskrit than to edit translated Sanskrit or to translate properly.

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My sister responded to my post on Facebook from yesterday, where I highlighted the first verse about avoiding asatsanga: "I would rather live in a cage of fire than be in the company of non-devotees. Who worship other gods, i.e., gods like Mammon. She said, "That is a little harsh isn't it?" 

My sister lives in the Catskills and there are many yogis and New Age people around there, many whom I met in a visit last year. The devotee's exclusivity does sound harsh to those who yearn for a society of love and friendship. But these people and Trumpers? I suspect they may feel the same kind of aversion. I have heard as much, and the sentiments are mirrored by those on the other side of the American cultural divide.

I made an attempt to explain as follows:

I guess it is hard to explain. It is the absorption and preoccupation with illusion and the sources of misery that grates and saps one's energy. This verse is of course hyperbole, but who has not felt something similar at some time when in the midst of those whose mindset is diametrically opposed to one's own?

Vaishnavas basically divide humanity into four groups:

(1) Those who belong to the realm of realization, in which case we mean pure love of God. Even there we have a predilection for those with the same tastes and interests as ourselves. God has many forms and reveals himself in specific ways to specific people. These are gurus and the main sources of revelation and inspiration.

(2) Other practitioners with whom we are natural friends. There are many divisions here, and of course it is never easy to be close friends with anyone or to share common goals in a complete way. But the basic advice is (a) know your own goals through association with (1) above and generally try to find those who share them (b) to seek out those who are affection, with whom you have natural affinity on a personal level, and (c) those who are more advanced and can help you to advance towards that goal.

Even here, association means usually more formal situations and not so much looking for wasting time together. That is the nature of the devotee and the more one progresses, the less one wants to waste time in mundane trivialities. We share activities like meditation, kirtan, discussion of scripture, service and such things.

(3) Those who are curious and are interested in hearing. The devotee feels charitable towards these people, who know that life in the world is one of suffering and are looking for answers. The devotee is naturally compassionate to all who suffer and believes that he can help by showing the way to the Absolute Truth of Existence, Consciousness and Joy.

(4) Those who are opposed to God and who try to undermine one's spiritual progress. These are the ones we avoid. This is not hatred, far from it, but it is a recognition that our powers are limited where those who are determinedly inimical to the kinds of goals that we hold close to our hearts. We think it is first of all important to change ourselves and become empowered in love to the degree that we can influence these people, whom we call tamasik, in the sense that they consider what is contrary to their true welfare to be good and beneficial, who identify with spiritual ignorance and consider the life of the body to be all in all.

This latter group is becoming more and more dominant in society and they are very proud of human achievements. They think that spiritual life, in particular theistic devotion, ae opposed to human progress and so they are actively inimical. They think we are stupid and backward. So such people should be avoided for anyone who seeks true peace and happiness and spiritual perfection.

Satsanga is the most important element in spiritual life. It cannot be underestimated. For the beginner and the serious committed sadhaka, there is no more important aspect that should be cultivated. LIke a crystal takes on the color of that which surrounds it, we are all affected by the company we keep.

There is a stage of enlightenment where one can actually rise above this and see the presence of God in all things. That is the goal, but those who prematurely think they have risen to that level or who go around with the "all is love" idea are in for disappointment. The path to the divine is narrow, once one has passed through the eye of the needle, one enters the transcendental realm of universal oneness, not before.

That being said, I find that as I get older, more inwardly oriented and more serious generally, I am less likely to be interested in things that distract me from my goal, from the trivial, and those who are preoccupied with the goals of life that are finite and confined to this world, "temporary pleasures that are terminated by the sundering cleaver of Time."

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In the following verse of Lalita-mādhava, Radha, even after being united with Krishna in Dwaraka, asks Him for the boon of once again having Him back in Vrindavan, which is filled with ever-sweet memories.

yā te līlā-rasa-parimalodgāri-vanyā-parītā dhanyā kṣauṇī vilasati vṛtā māthurī mādhurībhiḥ tatrāsmābhiś caṭula-paśupī-bhāva-mugdhāntarābhiḥ saṁvītas tvaṁ kalaya vadanollāsi-veṇur vihāram

Dear Krishna, the fragrance of the mellows of Your pastimes permeates the forests of the blessed land of Mathura (Vrindavan), which is surrounded by sweetness. In the congenial atmosphere of that wonderful land, enjoy Your pastimes once again, Your flute dancing on Your lips, and surrounded by us, whose hearts are always enchanted by the throbbing mood of love we had as milkmaids. (10.38)

Comment: The word caṭula (“flickering, unsteady”) indicates that the gopis wish to return not just to Vrindavan, but to the mood of parakīyā-rasa. Mugdha (“bewildered”) means that they are under the influence of Yogamaya.

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Purushottam Blog, Day 5

varaṁ huta-vaha-jvālā
pañjarāntar-vyavasthitiḥ
na śauri-cintā-vimukha-
jana-saṁvāsa-vaiśasam

I would rather be locked in a cage surrounded by burning flames than suffer in the association of those who are averse to thinking of Krishna.

And a similar idea is found in the Viṣṇu-rahasya (BRS 1.2.112)–

āliṅganaṁ varaṁ manye
vyāla-vyāghra-jalaukasām
na saṅgaḥ śalya-yuktānāṁ
nānā-devaika-sevinām

I believe it is better to embrace a poison snake, a tiger that will eat you, or a crocodile that will swallow you whole, rather than accept the agonizing company of those who worship many gods.

One of the good things about this Purushottam vrata that I have taken up is point number 3. I don’t have the internet in my room, so I stay there to keep away from the temptation to watch YouTube, which has admittedly been the bane of my life for the past two years. A lot of that has been what can only be called asat-saṅga. There is no point in going into detail, as I am sure most devotees will agree.

I think that the devotees who do follow world events on line tend to become affected by the confusion created by conspiracy theorists. I am not saying there is no such thing as conspiracy, I believe that the rich and powerful do collude to maintain and expand their power. That is the way of the world. 

 In the Manohar Das life that I referred to the other day, the author Nabadwip Das recounts that while he was still a householder and advocate living in Kolkata and visiting Govinda Kund whenever he could. Manohar Dasji had heard that Nabadwip Das had been caught up in the svadeshi movement. He said to him, “I heard you are giving political speeches to get the British to quit India.” Nabadwip Das admitted it was true. Manohar Das then told him, “By Krishna’s will the British are ruling India and they will continue to do so for as long as He desires it. It is not our business as Vaishnavas to interfere with His will, but to do bhajan. When it is time for them to leave, they will leave. In the meantime, take shelter of the Holy Name and do bhajan.” 

 Those who know about Srila Prabhupada’s first meeting with Bhaktisiddhanta Saraswati will recall that something similar happened. When Prabhupada asked how the message of Mahaprabhu could be spread around the world when the British were in charge, his guru answered, “The message of Krishna cannot wait for a change in Indian politics. It is not dependent on who ruled. The teachings of Bhagavad-gita are so important – so exclusively important – that it cannot wait.”

Then when India finally did achieve its independence, Prabhupada wrote a strong article saying that there were no more excuses. At any rate, two similar, though different, responses to the same situation. Funnily enough, Babaji said something in harmony with that in today’s class, saying, “Don’t worry about society, but look at what you can do in your own life to make changes. Ultimately if we look towards society we will only lose hope and make no progress.”

My point here is that all these conspiracy theories rattle the brains of so many who claim to be devotees. They really have no power to change anything, or even to know whether their claims are true or false. What we are supposed to know is that Krishna is in charge and that in this short life on earth we are tempted to follow so many different directions, but it all leads to the same end.

Those peddling conspiracy theories are being distracted from their true purpose. And all those endless talking heads who stir up trouble for their own power and advantage or whatever purpose are not our friends. They are poisonous snakes, tigers and crocodiles.

So one good thing so far is that I am not paying much attention to them. I recognize that modern society, science, technology and culture are all amazing accomplishments of humanity. That does not make us gods. That does not make any of these amazing accomplishments a replacement for bhakti, the natural activity of the soul.

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I was expecting a crash today, and it did come in part. I got up spontaneously at 3, but after three hours in my asan, I conked out for an hour, and that was followed by a rather distracted japa session pacing back and forth. Then later in the day I took another nap, so altogether it was a more normal sleep day. I also ate more than on previous days. So my work day was a little less than optimal, but that seems to be something I say every day. 

 I edited a few pages of Brihad Bhagavatamrita, but most of the time was devoted to revising and composing the section on the desiderative for my Sanskrit manual, which by now has taken on such a life of its own that I don’t know where it is going. It is meant for seriously committed students who want to learn the Bhāgavatam. Today I researched the use of the desiderative in the Bhāgavatam and some other texts. I found hardly any instances in the Viṣṇu Purāṇa, so it appears to be something that came into more popular usage later historically. Use of the desiderative in verb form (cikīrṣati) is considerably less than its use as an agent noun or adjective (cikīrṣu) or abstract noun (cikīrṣā) for most roots. There is also a preponderance of certain roots and an almost complete absence of others. So even though explaining the formation of the desiderative was a bit of a complex chore, I think that it will not be too onerous for a student at that stage of learning. I like to explain several different ways of saying the same thing at once.

ahaṁ tat kartum icchāmi. ahaṁ tat cikīrṣāmi. mayā tat cikīrṣitam. mayā tat kartum iṣyate. ahaṁ tat kartukāmaḥ, etc.

The most difficult part of all this is to find or write good illustrative sentences. For nearly every point of grammar, I have been finding simple Sanskrit verses from the literature – Gītā, obviously, but Bhāgavatam (even though in general Bhāgavatam is very problematic for a beginner student due to the great use of unorthodox and archaic forms) but also from the Goswami literature and the Kathā literature also.

It feels strange that I have put all this work into developing the manual, I think this will be the fifth year, and I don’t even know if I will have any students. At the present moment I have one student only. Which is okay, as I can still see more directly what is working and what isn’t and this is why I am making so many revisions in it now. But I am wondering, who will be able to teach this? One of my other students who is now back in the West, said that I am the only one who will be able to teach this course. There are so many Sanskrit manuals available nowadays, who will use mine? Anyway, as the Vaishnavas always say, I do it for my own purification.

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I forgot to say that Babaji has started giving Rāga-vartma-candrikā classes every evening. This is a short book which he is giving on Zoom, so you can check the Jiva Institute page if you feel like following along. Yesterday was the first day. Vishwanath starts the book by stressing that the difference between vaidhī and rāgānugā is the motivation for them. These are, according to Vishwanath, following Rupa Goswami, scripture and greed, respectively. I think we have to go a bit further than that, as the implications of the two motivations go far. Rāgānugā bhakti is rare, but so is vaidhī bhakti. I doubt there are many true practitioners of rāgānugā bhakti. It takes a great indifference to worldly opinion to be a rāgānugā bhakta, like Siddha Chaitanya Das, or even Gadadhar Pran Das, in my opinion.

Rāgānugā bhakti is about svarūpa-cintana and svarūpa-āveśa. You can’t fake it. This is why, as I was saying earlier, that I chose to learn the yogic process of disciplining the body in order to discipline the mind, in the hope that such a disciplined mind would be more malleable and remain concentrated on the goal. But svarūpāveśa has no relation to any of that. Which is why the Bhāgavatam does not give so much importance to yoga. It ultimately remains bound to the material body and mind and their limitations.

This is, I believe, Bhaktivinoda Thakur’s own verse.

abhimānaṁ parityājya prākṛta-vapur-ādiṣu
śrī-kṛṣṇa-kṛpayā gopī-dehe vraje vasāmy aham
rādhikānucarī bhūtvā pārakīya-rase sadā
rādhā-kṛṣṇa-vilāseṣu paricaryāṁ karomy aham

I have given up my identity with this material body and everything connected with it, and by Krishna’s mercy now live as a gopi in Vraja. I am Radharani’s maidservant, and I always engage in serving Radha and Krishna as they engage in their love affairs in the mood of paramours.

And the following comes from Prabodhananda, with one small editing change by Bhaktivinoda Thakur about which I am a little ambivalent.

dukūlaṁ bibhrāṇam atha kuca-taṭe kañcuka-paṭaṁ
prasādaṁ svāminyāḥ sva-kara-tala-dattaṁ praṇayataḥ
sthitāṁ nityaṁ pārśve vividha-paricaryaika-caturāṁ
kiśorīm ātmānaṁ caṭula-parakīyāṁ nu kalaye

When will I see myself as an adolescent girl, excited by the mood of being married to someone else, expert in all varieties of personal service, standing beside the Divine Couple, wearing a dress and blouse formerly worn by my own mistress Radharani and affectionately given me by Her personally. (Rādhā-rasa-sudhā-nidhi 53)

Extended translation based on Ananta Das’s Rādhā-rasa-sudhā-nidhi commentary:

How sweet it is to think "I am Radha's maidservant!" How tender and delicious is the remembrance of one's siddha svarupa! Srimad Jīva Goswami said in Bhakti Sandarbha (304), "Even if one does not perform any other spiritual practice, one can attain perfection simply by having the attitude that ‘I am a servant of the Lord’ (dāso’ham)."

The practising devotee takes the forms, qualities and activities of the eternally perfect maidervants (nitya-siddha-mañjarī-gaṇa) as his example to nourish his self-identification of “I am an adolescent maidservant with such-and-such qualities, service and form. I am not this body, I am not this mind, and I am not these senses, but I am a transcendental female individual, eternally endowed with adolescent beauty!” This is how the aspirant shrugs off his bodily and mental consciousness.

The Upaniṣads state: “The soul is not female, not male and not neuter. It is only upon attaining a particular body that one is identified with a particular gender.” (Śvetāśvatara Upaniṣad 5.10)

Prabodhananda Saraswati not only thinks of himself as an adolescent maidservant, but he also says, "I am dressed with the leftover blouse and dress that Swamini lovingly gave me with Her own hand when She was satisfied with my service!"

According to Srila Raghunath Das Goswami, all of Srimatī Radharāṇī's clothes and ornaments are made of transcendental emotions. Even a dried-up heart will become filled with rasa by remembering Srimatī's leftover blouses and dresses. Uddhava says, "We, Your eternal servants, who eat only the remnants of Your food, who are dressed in the garlands, unguents, clothes and ornaments You have worn, will easily conquer Your material energy." (Srimad Bhāgavatam 11.6.46)

This is all aiśvarya bhāva (a reverential conception), therefore in Uddhava’s verse, the conquest of Maya is mentioned as the benediction, but in the realm of sweetness, rasa is the benediction. The meditation on Radhika's sweet pastimes is interpenetrated by the memory of the blouse and dress that She mercifully gave with Her own hands. The bodily fragrance of Radha and Krishna is sweet prasad, and when the kinkari smells it she feels blessed.

Purushottam Blog: Day 4

Yesterday evening I drank tea. The last time I drank tea was on Day 1, which resulted in a disruption of my sleep schedule. I did not think of it then, but this time it was quite clear that the tea was keeping me awake. After I posted my blog, I went to my room to chant and finished my last set of rounds, spending the whole time meditating on one verse from the Bhāgavatam, taken from Bhajana Rahasya.

  śyāmaṁ hiraṇya-paridhiṁ vana-mālya-barha-  dhātu-pravāla-naṭa-veṣam anuvratāṁse  vinyasta-hastam itareṇa dhunānam abjaṁ  karṇotpalālaka-kapola-mukhābja-hāsam

The dark Krishna was dressed like a dancer prepared to go on stage—He wore a golden garment, a peacock feather, colored clays from the forest, sprigs of flower buds, and a garland of forest flowers and leaves. He rested one hand on a friend’s shoulder and with the other He twirled a lotus. Lilies graced His ears, strands of hair hung down over His cheeks, and His lotus-like face was smiling. (Śrīmad Bhāgavatam 10.23.22)

Comment (Vishwanath): A vana-mālā is a garland made with forest flowers and leaves that reaches down to the feet. The Brahmin women interpreted Krishna’s actions as flirtation. When the saw Him touch His friend, He seemed to be saying, “I could touch you like this,” and His twirling the lotus flower seemed to say, “I hold the lotus of your hearts in My hand and can play with it as I like.” At the same time, the twirling of the lotus revealed that His own heart was being affected by their love.  

It was eleven, but no sign of sleep, so I sat in padmāsana and did my prāṇāyāma and mantra meditation routine. This has really been my main practice for the past few years. I don’t use a mala for this, and combine my mantra chanting with different physical postures and breathing techniques. So that went on until 1.30. Even then I could not really sleep, so I just lay down in śavāsana and tried to follow the yoga-nidrā techniques taught to me by Swami Veda Bharati.

Actually, Swami Veda was not opposed to tea or coffee the way that Prabhupada or Sadh Guru are. He said that taking a stimulant before meditation is actually a positive thing and helps one to concentrate. He used to drink a cup of coffee at his evening meal around 8.30 and then stay up all night until 4, writing and meditating, as well as having meetings with ashram leaders. He took the Gītā verse literally,

yā niśā sarva-bhūtanānāṁ tasyāṁ jāgarti saṁyamī
yasyāṁ jāgrati bhūtāni sā niśā paśyato muneḥ

"What is night for all beings, is the time of awakening for the self-controlled. When all beings are awake, that is night for the sage with vision." (Gita 2.69)

In those days I went to the meditation hall at 4 o'clock and would often cross paths Mei Wan, Maharaj's secretary who stayed with him through the night, returning to her cottage. I won’t deny that my evening meditation was strong, and since I was ready for it, I did not lament that sleep would be a problem the next day. Insomnia is frustrating when you really want to sleep but can’t. After reading about Manohar Das Baba, I am thinking about this reducing sleep business.

I have never really been very good at reducing eating or sleeping. I gave up on it a long time and figured why not just follow the natural path? For the most part, that has been okay, but it is just normal, there is no ambition or self-surpassing involved. Sadh Guru opposes coffee, tea and other stimulants because they disrupt the nervous system. What goes up must come down and so they disturb the equilibrium, which is the desired state for a yogi. Where there are artificial ups, there are corresponding downs.

I am feeling a bit fuzzy now. It is nearly five in the afternoon. I ate only little at lunch, so I find that my eating is much reduced as well. I am a bit surprised that with only three hours of sleep last night I did not take a three hour nap after lunch. But that being said, I am not particularly sharp right now. So I am going to chant and will go directly to bed after the evening class.

But once again, I am not satisfied with the progress today on my main task of Prīti Sandarbha. I did work on the Bhāgavatāmr̥ta and the manual, where I found that a whole day's work had suddenly disappeared, for which I have no explanation. And it was supposed to be backed up on the cloud. Oh well.

nātyaśnatas tu yogo’sti na caikāntam anaśnataḥ | 

na cātisvapna-śīlasya jāgrato naiva cārjuna || 

yuktāhāra-vihārasya yukta-ceṣṭasya karmasu | 

yukta-svapnāvabodhasya yogo bhavati duḥkha-hā || 

Yoga is not accomplished by one who eats to much or who eats much too little. Nor for one who sleeps too much or too little, Arjuna. Yoga destroys all miseries for one who eats and sports a proper amount, who gives the appropriate amount of effort in work and who sleeps and remains awake for the appropriate amount of time.

Anyway, I am still encouraged. I am actually amazed that I am still awake and functioning, even though I may be a little fuzzy. Who knows I still may be able to optimize my bodily functioning, even at this stage of my life, and actually become a yogi.

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Purushottam Blog, Day 3

Yesterday’s post was a lot shorter than I wanted to make it. In actual fact, the whole time I am chanting japa I am also observing my body and mind and taking mental notes of what is worth saying or not saying. On Facebook, Premanidhi Dasji, a Godbrother of Satyanarayana Dasaji, reprimanded me for stating publicly my vow as contrary to good Vaishnava behavior, and that is no doubt true. My heart is contaminated by the desire for pratiṣṭhā, there is no point in denying it. I will be completing 50 years in the Vaishnava path on October the first, barely ten days away, and I have very little pratiṣṭhā to show for it. That does not make me too sad, as I accept that I am not of the level of achievement that warrants what Siddhanta Saraswati calls “vaiṣṇavī pratiṣṭhā.” So be it. 

 For many months now I have been contemplating a blog post about publicly speaking of my personal life. I had almost completely stopped saying anything, because indeed my life is not one of any great spiritual achievements. In one sense, when I did speak of my spiritual life, it was to show my struggles for the benefit of others.

I was just looking in the Prīti Sandarbha (15) where Jiva Goswami brings up the story of Kardama’s leaving his body (3.24.41-47). According to him, this happened in three stages, Brahman (43), Paramātmā (45) and Bhagavān (47). Vishwanath explains the verses quite differently. No matter, that is not the point here. In verse 44, the word sva-dṛk appears, which Sridhar says means “seeing himself” (svam eva paśyan). Sri Jiva has “seeing himself as non-different from Brahman” (sva-svarūpābhedena brahmaiva paśyan), but Vishwanath says, “one who sees how much devotion he has in himself, how much there was and how much there will be” (svasminn eva bhaktiḥ kiyaty abhūd bhavati bhaviṣyatīti dṛg dṛṣṭir yasya saḥ). In other words, honest self-examination of one’s progress as a sādhaka.

Should one make such things public? I answered Premanidhi Dasji, who pointed out that when Babaji holds a retreat, he asks his disciples to make a vow for the seven or however many days, but not to tell anyone else what it is. This of course echoes the famous instruction of Narottam Das—

 āpana bhajana kathā, nā kahiba yathā tathā, ihāte hoiba sābadhāna |
nā kariho keho roṣa, nā loiho keho doṣa, praṇamahu bhaktera caraṇa ||119||

"Do not talk about your bhajana to anyone and everyone. Be attentive in this matter. May no one be angry about this or consider it a fault. I bow down to the feet of all devotees." 

Also one should look at the second-to-last anuccheda of Bhakti Sandarbha (339), but there it is specifically mentioned, “If by the mercy bestowed by one’s guru or Bhagavān, one has realized some confidential truth regarding the practice or the goal of devotion, and which has become one’s very existence, it should not be disclosed to anybody.” (अत्र च श्रीगुरोः श्रीभगवतो वा प्रसादलब्धं साधनसाध्यगतं स्वीयसर्वस्वभूतं यत् किमपि रहस्यं, तत्तु न कस्मैचित् प्रकाशनीयम्).

Here it is said, “some confidential truth,” which I understand to mean some special vision or intimate personal revelation, not the externals of bhajan. Sadhguru Jaggi Vasudeva also says that it is only the most stupid who have visions of the Deity and go around proclaiming them. A true siddha is a lot more serious than that!

Nevertheless, I have always felt that others can learn from another’s difficulties and even from fall-downs, especially if one is honest about the experience. After all, there is no success like failure, as Bob Dylan said. No greater learning experience.

Even the other day, when I was reading in the introduction to Manohar Das Babaji’s life where the publisher, his disciple Pandit Krishnadas Babaji, says, “In a spiritual aspirant’s lif where by the force of his practice he attains a state where he can no longer be called an ordinary man. His other-worldly glories become a source of inspiration to ordinary people in their religious life, so the word siddha actually means one who has achieved success or accomplishment in the life of sādhanā. Therefore it is enough to observe the actions of one who achieved such a state. But people are of the nature of desiring to hear more than just the outcome of the spiritual practice, they want to know the whole personality of the siddha, inside and out. They want to know by what force of character, what were the particulars of his practice, and what he was like after achieving spiritual success, etc., and they do not feel satisfied until they know it all. This is because it is rare in the real world to see ideals matched by an individual’s personal example.”

This does not mean I think I have achieved any particular greatness. Indeed, any account of my personal life is in the natural character of devotion itself – as Vishwanath himself points out – that in self examination a devotee naturally sees his failings rather than his glorious achievements, and if there are any achievements, they are the result of Guru and Krishna’s grace and not due to any special quality of his own.

Nowadays, it is considered a great quality and indeed a necessity to be expert at self-promotion. Perhaps I suffer from such a defect due to the nature of the age in which I was born and live, but I assure you that this is hardly my intent. I admit that my public self examination, limited though it is in its honesty due to various factors (which no doubt one day will be spoken of), is a consequence of the modern sensibility, the desire to understand the psychology of humankind, and in particular the psychology of one who follows a spiritual path, in particular again, of this spiritual path. Who can judge its meaningfulness or lack thereof from what it reveals?

Of course, it is tiresome for a pure devotee, who has no interest in anything but pure devotion, to hear of struggles and failures, but hopefully there will be more to this series than that. Anyway, my trivial attempt at a small vrata is like nothing compared to giants of the past like Manohar Das Baba, so I don't think that the problem of pratiṣṭhā is really a problem. I do this to give myself strength, and if anyone else finds inspiration from my experience, so much the better.

---

So just to resume the day, briefly. Babaji has started giving his classes again after a break during which he was unwell, and will be speaking daily in the evening at eight o’clock. I am writing this just before the class, which I will attend regularly. The subject on Sundays is the Rasa-Panchadhyaya, and starting on Monday, Rāga-vartma-candrikā. It is only correct that I attend.

We are all following along and several auditors are following along in the GGM document, so corrections are being made, which truly warms my heart. Babaji is following only Vishwanath’s commentary. Vishwanath’s influence on the sampradaya in some way eclipses that of Jiva Goswami, and that is something that we can talk about another time. 

Because my sleep was disrupted the last couple of days, I awoke at about quarter to four and got quickly into my asana and chanted half my daily requirement by 6.30. Then I did my joints and glands exercises and a few sūrya namaskāras, and cleaned up. After my exercises I had to bath again I was so sweaty my kaupin looked like it had been placed in a bucket of water. I got back into padmāsana for the third cycle, but my knees resisted.

Sitting properly is hard work in itself, believe it or not, and I am taking a lot of care of my back and knees so that I can see this month through. I wanted to write more about āsana yesterday, which is why I quoted from the sixth chapter of the Gītā and perhaps I will still get back to that on another day.

At some point in my life I realized that I had no anurāga and that, rightly or wrongly, I needed to cultivate a few technical skills in meditation in order to achieve a fuller capacity for bhakti-sādhanā, and that is what I am putting into effect today.

I have added Bhajana-rahasya to my daily routine as mentioned in Day I, and I will continue to do so in the spiritual of “taking up from where I began.” I have already memorized more than half of the Sanskrit verses in the book and will try to memorize the rest and use these verses as a regular companion to my meditation, especially including the aṣṭa-kāla verses, with which each chapter concludes.

Unfortunately I did not even open the Prīti Sandarbha today, but instead ended up reading through the life of Siddha Chaitanya Das Babaji, one of the heroes Gadadhar Pran Dasji follows. I liked it a lot. His was quite different from Manohar Das’s practice, though there are naturally features that are shared between the two, as both are Vaishnavas devoted to the Holy Name and the culture of humility.

Just one thing that is worth mentioning here, Chaitanya Das would say, “A person who is not following the path of rāga is always beset by doubts about what to do and what not to do, what to hear and what not to hear, whom to associate with and whom not. On the rāga path, that is not a problem because one follows one’s heart and one’s taste.”

 This is very true. Unfortunately, most people are bound by some false idea of a single “correct way” and cannot understand the character of those whose way is different. Chaitanya Das’s influence on Nabadwip and the devotional culture there was very great, but as the author Haridas Goswami notes on a couple of occasions, “No longer that Rama, no longer that golden kingdom.”

He says that in Chaitanya Das’s time, a man wearing woman’s clothing as a kind of transgender was not viewed in abhorrence as it is today, nor was there such an animus against nāgarī bhajana as there is today. Chaitanya Das dressed as a woman and even used to bathe at the women's ghat, but the women apparently accepted him and he spoke with them all, treating them as if they were all expansions of Vishnupriya Devi, whom he considered to be the manifestation of Radha.

Chaitanya Das left his body in 1877 and Haridas Goswami was writing probably in the 1950’s, but if Gadadhar Pran’s testimony is to be believed, due to the influence of the Vrindavan and Radha Kund babajis, it is slowly being completely annihilated everywhere. Anyway, I found that tears were coming to my eyes reading Haridas Goswami’s account, especially the last days of Siddha Baba’s life and I hope that open-minded devotees will take inspiration from his life story also. .

Jai Sri Radhe. See you tomorrow.

Purushottam 2020: Day 2

So at 9 pm yesterday I put everything away and read the last chapter of Bhajana-rahasya before chanting my last set of 16 rounds. Bhajana-rahasya is really the book that set me off on the rāgānugā path, and even though I don’t really qualify as a rāgānugā bhakta -- indeed, after reading about Manohar Das Baba, I feel like I really have been taking things far too lightly, it has been so long since I did nāma-bhajana, I thought it would be a good idea to take up where I began so to speak. 

The japa was quite enjoyable and “Krishna conscious” with a lot less struggle to control the mind, which is really the way rāgānugā bhajan should be. Somewhere along the line I decided that I needed to cultivate the disciplines of yoga, about which the Bhāgavatam does not always seem too enthusiastic. But when I began reading the Bhagavad-gītā so many years ago, I can still remember being inspired by the sixth chapter, which emphasizes the sādhaka's effort.

yato niścarati manaś cañcalam asthiram | 

tatas tato niyamyaitad ātmany eva vaśaṁ nayet ||

From wherever the restless and flickering mind is deflected

control it and bring it back under the control of the self. (6.26)

And this also led to my desire to learn to sit still and quieten the mind through this effort. It's in the Gītā, Sit in a sacred place, sit straight, keeping the body, head and neck straight, motionless and steady.

samaṁ kāya-śiro-grīvaṁ dhārayann acalaṁ sthiraḥ | 

 saṁprekṣya nāsikāgraṁ svaṁ diśaś cānavalokayan ||(6.13)

It is a heroic posture. The yogi is a hero. 

Anyway, after going to bed, I got up at 2.45 spontaneously and after neti and bathing, I was in siddhāsana by 3 and finished my first set by 4.15. Changed legs and finished second set by 5.30. Took a break for stretches, suryanamaskara and so on. When in śavāsana I went into yoga-nidrā and woke up at 6.30. Then I sat in full padmāsana for the third set, but this was a bit more difficult and less conscious. It was light by then and I should have had my Bhajana-rahasya at the ready to help direct my mind. But I didn’t. Tomorrow.

I started pushing myself back into the Prīti-sandarbha work, and I can see why I needed to take a break. It is not always easy to find the appropriate way to translate Sanskrit, especially this kind of philosophical language, but hopefully it will start to happen. Much easier to edit Grantha Mandir files or the Sanskrit manual. I am hopefully going to resume the readings before too long, so I fully intend to keep that promise. Harinama is number one on the list, however.

After lunch was especially difficult, my mind got fogged up even though I did not think I overate, compared to what I used to, so instead of working I went back to chanting japa. This time, pacing back and forth. Other stuff happened also, so I was not altogether satisfied with my day, but I am enjoying the chanting and feel enlivened.

In actual fact I have tons of energy. Radhe Radhe.

---

Reading Chaitanya Das's biography by Haridas Goswami. He was paying obeisances brāhmaṇādi kukkura caṇḍāla anta kari daṇḍabat karibeka bahu mānya kari || ei se baiṣṇaba dharma sabāre praṇati sei dharmadhbajī yāra ithe nāhi rati || “From the brahmans to even the dogs and outcastes, one should prostrate oneself before everyone with great respect. This is the duty of the Vaishnavas, to bow down to all. One without love for this is a hypocrite.” kṛṣṇa-bhakti-sudhā-pānā-deha-daihika-vismṛteḥ | teṣāṁ bhautika-dehe'pi sac-cid-ānanda-rūpatā ||61||

Purushottam Month Blog, Day 1

Yesterday I was reading a little book that was lying around, Amar Gurudeb, about Siddha Manohar Das Babaji of Govinda Kund. Manohar Das lived from 1847 to 1947, but spent the last fifty years of his life at Govinda Kund by Govardhan. There is of course a lot to say, but most of it I will just pass over for the time being. Nitai Das has apparently translated this into English, so I would recommend it to everyone. 

Manohar Das was a renounced sadhu of extreme accomplishment. He gave up eating and sleeping to an extreme degree reducing both almost to nothing. He chanted seven lakhs of Harinam every day, an almost impossible achievement. Needless to say, he chanted almost all day and night. Tinkori Baba, his vesh disciple, also followed his example in renunciation and commitment to the Name and chanted far beyond what most mortals are capable of.

My own Gurudeva is said to have chanted a similar number of Holy Names. I have seen that when I chant a lot and to do it mentally rather than vocally, time goes by much faster and one does more in less time without losing quality. This phenomenon has been observed in different people’s practice also, and I remember Swami Veda Bharati even demonstrating (as much as it can be demonstrated), saying that he had learned the method from Swami Rama.

For the past many years I have been chanting the bare minimum of sixteen rounds, which Is 25,000 names or a quarter of a lakh, but this is actually a pitiful number for one who has received as much grace in my life. This only takes me about 75-90 minutes. But I have admittedly been painfully weak in my practice over the years. Spending time on the computer means getting distracted all too easily, especially by YouTube and all the hypnotizing glitter of the infinite aspects of the worldly life that are so easily available on it, and which can be experienced passively.

Reading about Manohar Das refreshed dormant memories in me from the days when I was younger and more spiritually ambitious. My friend Gadadhar Pran Das also spends a lot of time chanting. He tells me that he chants three lakhs every day, but he does so in about six hours. Gadadhar is very focused on vratas. He divides his months into two halves, the white half and the dark half, and follows a different schedule in each. The Shukla-paksha is generally the period in which he chants more, the Krishna paksha when he writes more. He even wrote me recently and said, "You should go and stay in Birnagar and follow Prabhu's example and chant at least three lakhs every day." 

Since I gave up my renounced life, I have not been particularly assiduous about bhajan, not even after coming to Vrindavan. I have been keeping busy in other ways, mostly with the Grantha Mandir and editing Babaji’s Sandarbhas. The commitment to the Holy Name, which is the principal feature of the Gaudiya Vaishnava sampradaya, has been somewhat lax. I think I took Hariram Vyas’s statement that if one simply takes shelter of Kumari Radha, one can relax, lie down and stretch one’s legs. In other words, living in Vrindavan is enough, even without any effort one reaps great benefit just from the dust itself.

Though it is true, it is recognizably a copout to me. At this stage in my life, getting serious primarily means serious about chanting. After all, Radharani’s mercy means bhajan. In one nice passage in the life of Manohar Das Baba, the author Nabadwip Das writes:

All the disciples gathered in front of the deities. We put an asan for Gurudeva and sat down after him. The others looked at me to be their mouthpiece and so I said what was in their minds. “Gurudeva, the bhaktas are saying that they are doing bhajan, but without the mercy of the Guru, nothing can come of it. So they beg you to please be merciful to them.” When he heard this Maharajji said, “Mercy is already there. Be persistent in your bhajan. There is no point to asking for mercy while not doing any bhajan. The effort made to get mercy is what bhajan is. When God’s energy in the form of kripa descends on the jiva, his life of bhajan begins. And through bhajan one gets direct experience of that mercy. Absorption of the mind in Bhagavan is called bhajan, and through such absorption one experiences His mercy.

After that, on the insistence of the disciples who refused to be brushed off with this answer, he gave an elaborate discourse on kripa, of which unfortunately Nabadwip Das only gives the barest outline. But Manohar Das’s answer did strike a chord with me. Here I am in Vrindavan, so much kripa, and where is my bhajan? It really is time to get serious.

At the same time, I became aware that Purushottam month was about to begin. [It begins today on the 18^th]. Purushottam month is inserted as an extra month every three years to make up the shortfall that comes when one follows the lunar calendar rather than the solar. That comes to about ten days every year, so every three years, a full month of days accumulates that has to be caught up with. If not, one arrives at the situation that comes with the Muslim calendar where the months have no relation to the seasons of the year and can come at any time, winter or summer. Purushottam month has no feasts or festivals. If a sadhu leaves his body in Purushottam month, which may be inserted at different places in the year, his tithi is celebrated in the month prior.

Brahmins call this month “impure” (mala-māsa), but for the Vaishnavas it is considered to be a particularly holy month and often special month-long events like unbroken kīrtana or pāṭha, etc., are organized during this time. It falls in the chaturmasya period and immediately precedes Karttik, so it is certainly a good time to engage in a special vrata of some kind.

As I intimated above, I have never really been particularly good with vratas. I start with fury, but usually wimp out fairly rapidly and so have pretty much stopped trying. I have numerous Vaishnava friends and acquaintances who are quite diligent in this respect, Gadadhar Pran Dasji being just one of them. But I think that the time has come for me to take a bit of a vow, so I impetuously wrote on Facebook yesterday that I would observe the three following vows:

1. (1)   I would chant one lakh each day. That does not seem like much, but I intend to sit in one asan for the five or six hours it takes and get back into the habit. Sixteen rounds really is the bare minimum. You barely get started controlling the mind with that measly number, to be honest. So it is time to get serious about this principal anga of Gaudiya Vaishnava bhajan.
2. I am getting back into doing the regular readings from Prīti Sandarbha. I got lax again the last few weeks and have been spending more time on my Sanskrit primer and editing Grantha Mandir texts, mainly Laghu-bhāgavatāmr̥ta and Br̥had-bhāgavatāmr̥ta. I made good progress, but since I stopped the videos, things quickly slowed down to a halt. So my scholarly and intellectual efforts are going back to this important work.
3. The only negative vow I am making is to get off the internet as much as possible. I will do any writing off line and then simply copy and paste it to my blogs and then take a quick look at personal correspondence, but no more of the news and entertainment that has been such a major distraction for me of late.

Last night I had a pretty bad night. I could not sleep. It is hot and muggy. I kept taking showers and sitting under the fan to cool off. I had a headache and ended up sitting in my asan with a wet gamcha wrapped around me from one o’clock to 2:30, then finally fell asleep. But I got up again at 4.30, strangely and unexpectedly refreshed. I did another three hours of japa. 

One thing about Nabadwip Das Baba’s memoir. It is clear just how austere life was in Govardhan at that time. There were frequent epidemics and famines. He describes how disturbing the mosquitoes were. I don’t know what happened to the mosquitoes. There used to be more in Vrindavan than there are now. This Covid business is small potatoes compared to the stuff that used to happen, like in Bhaktivinoda Thakur’s description of the decimation of Ula Birnagar in 1858, or the plague in Kolkata in 1891. These were regular occurrences, which the people of today seem to have forgotten. In this scientific age, we think that human beings can control everything and if something bad happens, human agency must be the cause. Manohar Das followed the golden rule of surrender, śaraṇāpatti. God is the doer and our business is to do bhajan and let him take care of the rest.

I spent a little bit of time on the above-mentioned projects and am now starting back to work on Prīti Sandarbha, though I don’t think I will manage a video today. Nevertheless, I feel encouraged about the next month. This is the way to make the most of Vraja vāsa/


Jai Radhe.